The Angry Rebel: Guilt Your Way to a Better Body

By Zachary Swartz

This past summer my doctor told me that my cholesterol was a little bit on the high side. I’m 21 that really shouldn’t be a problem. So he asked about my diet and explained my borderline Homer Simpson diet, only to get a response of sarcasm and laughter. He simply said that I should already know the ways to fix this dietary problem, so for the past few months I have watched my calorie and cholesterol intake and frankly I have felt great. 

The only problem is upon self-reflection I have come to the conclusion that I love horribly unhealthy food. My cholesterol enriched arteries cried for the new deep-fried something something, or the bacon and cheese covered noun.  Clearly my body and I are on different pages. I enjoy being not horribly looking shirtless and it enjoys dipping sauces. Something had to give. 

I had to have my cake and not eat it, so I created a new game I will now introduce to all of you. It is called make myself feel fat just by saying out loud what I want to eat by describing the food as graphically as possible.  This has lead to many of my friends not wanting to go to fast food restaurants with me purely because by talking myself out of that double bacon burger with feta cheese and curly fries, I have convinced them otherwise. 

This strategy can also be recommended for spouses or significant others of people who want to lose weight. If they try to order the worst thing on the menu simply talk them through what they are going to eat ingredient by ingredient. Quickly they will grab their stomach and already feel full as if they had the shame of enjoying their food without taking a single bite. At this point you encourage them to get a lesser healthy alternative. It may not taste the same but they then get permission to say, “well at least I didn’t get the XXXL sausage burger!” Saying this line mixed with the missed guilt may seem like rewards enough, but the weight will drop. 

Since I implemented this strategy I have lost 10 additional pounds, I also haven’t felt this much guilt since I was studying for my Bar Mitzvah, but I guess it is weighing the good against the bad. This tactic may not work for everyone especially if they are trying to get rid of unhealthy foods all together, but for those that just need to drop a few pounds or maybe just want to see their feet again this little trick can help. 

I should also point out that as a whole I do eat healthier in fact while writing this I was snacking on a bag of mini carrots…and dipping sauce, but you have to  start somewhere right? 

Until we meet again this has been The Angry Rebel telling you to use just a little guilt and you can look just a little bit better with your shirt off. 

You can follow @TheAngryRebel on Twitter to see what random tangent he is on.