“Iron Man 3” Movie Review

iron-man-3-poster_optBy Victoria Alexander, Film Critic

Las Vegas Informer

Stupid and messy. The Most Beautiful Woman in the World has to go. Pepper must take “Happy” with her.

You cannot put a movie star in a mask. We all know that a legion of stunt men wearing tights are leaping around tall buildings. You cannot put Robert Downey Jr. in an iron suit. Downey is THE quicksilver actor with a punch line. We need him out of that clunky contraption.

Iron_Man_3Have you noticed that superheroes were taking off their masks more and more? Spider-Man can’t seem to keep the damn shroud on. The problem with Iron Man is he’s just a man. He has no special powers. He can get hurt. Tony Stark’s earlier proclamation “I am Iron Man” meant he could take the metal suit off but what about powers? So, Iron Man was recalibrated to fly! No more taking the bus for Iron Man.

But still, Tony is just an obscenely rich man-child with a basement filled with suits. Until, “IRON MAN 3.”

iron2Downey wants to act! So, like Batman in his swan song, Tony is suffering from PTSD. He has one nightmare flashback. One of the Avengers hurt his feelings in New York. Tony is off his meds and has buried his notorious ladykiller past. He has elevated his personal assistant, Pepper (Gwyneth Paltrow) to head Stark Enterprises and she’s living with him. She gives him sass. So, while Pepper is off ruining Stark Enterprises, Tony has mechanical genius Jarvis (voiced by Paul Bettany – I liked him better as an avenging angel) to get him his coffee and ask how his morning poop went.

Jarvis makes “Hal 9000” look like a puppy.

All those suits and no one to battle! Along comes the Mandarin (Ben Kingsley), a terrorist bent on a manifesto yet to be written. Tony’s first response to the news of the Mandarin’s hellfire? He wants to protect the most precious thing in his life – Pepper.

1There is way too much Happy Hogan (Jon Favreau). I know Favreau’s importance to the franchise and on “IRON MAN 3” he is one of the eight executive producers. Yet, he is the only executive producer to have a co-starring pivotal role.

It’s not PC but I am going to say it anyway: It’s hard for fat men to act. There are not enough angles in their faces to telegraph emotion. A fat person’s eyes cannot do much acting hidden around a fat face. Why does Favreau need to be in “IRON MAN 3”?

Tony has gotten some new superpowers! They are not explained but due to some injectables, Tony can crime fight without the suit and, with a flick of his wrist – his Jesus pose – can summon the suits! They come to Tony like a litter of noisy kittens. Wherever Tony is, pieces of the suits fly through the air and attach to his body! Even in mid-air.

Iron Man photoThere are some big, over-the-top moments, like when the Mandarin’s henchman Savin (James Badge Dale) destroys his Malibu mega-mansion by the sea. Rebecca Hall plays Tony’s 1999 one-night stand and Guy Pearce plays Aldrich Killian, a techno genius that Tony fobs off in 1999. Aldrich holds a grudge.

Favreau got a big part in “IRON MAN 3,” but Ben Kingsley couldn’t get the studio to credit him as “Sir.” I was surprised at that. Kingsley was terrific and is the highlight of the movie.

Iron Man pic 2Downey shows more chemistry with his temporary kid sidekick Harley (Ty Simpkins) than Paltrow. Rebecca Hall knows how to look sexually interested in Stark while Paltrow appears justifiably threatened by her.

How far have they come? Pepper wears an iron suit and lets her hair – enhanced by wigs – flow in the wind. She gets to brutally whip some ass. If only she died.

I did like that the new Iron Man suits were still working out the kinks and Downey’s dialogue was fun. But the big finale? Tony directs Jarvis to bring out the artillery. (With Tony’s Versailles-sized enclave completely in the sea, somehow Jarvis remains totally operational. Is he in a Google cloud? The screenplay by Drew Pearce and Shane Black (who also directed) throws everything in the pot. I was waiting for Downey’s evil twin to make an appearance.

The credits are historically long so if you think the 30 second teaser is worth waiting for – it’s not. What is worth waiting for is the enormous talent that went into “IRON MAN 3” and the mammoth special effects crew that made everything happen on screen.

Yes, there will be an “IRON MAN 4.”

Victoria Alexander is a member of the Broadcast Film Critics Association: www.bfca.org/ and the Las Vegas Film Critics Society: www.lvfcs.org/. Victoria’s weekly column, “The Devil’s Hammer,” is posted every Monday. http://www.fromthebalcony.com/editorials.php.

If you would like to be included on Victoria’s private distribution list for a weekly preview, just email her at masauu@aol.com. Victoria lives in Las Vegas, Nevada and answers every email. You can contact Victoria directly at masauu@aol.com.


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12 Responses to “Iron Man 3” Movie Review

  1. I’m more than okay with negative reviews even if I disagree completely with them. I feel that this movie touches some very controversial subjects, stuff I’d never expect from a blockbuster film, let alone a superhero film. The meta-commentary on the whole war on terror is dealer better here than any other blockbuster film I’ve ever seen, and while The Avengers is the favorite superhero film of the kid in me, Iron Man 3 is my favorite superhero film simply because regardless how many liberties it took with the source material, it serves the story to tell a tale that it’s way more meaningful than most the reviews are giving credit for, and I’m talking about either positive or negative ones.

    But this “review”… Wow. WOW. Are you kidding, right? So Favreau has to go because he’s fat? Paltrow has to go just because? Seriously, I’d rather believe that you just didn’t take this review seriously, because if that’s not the case, it’s not even about being a negative or positive review, this was just… wrong. And childish. To not mention disgusting.

  2. If you are old enough, you may remember the early Bond movies. They had a definite pattern. Introduce the arch-villain on successive occasions, making him more of a threat each time, bang smash, confrontation, henchmen, fights, explosions, final confrontation, bang, smash — and its over. For the record, the Ironman 1 was great, it nailed the delicate balance between character and plot. Ironman 2 was so forgettable that as I write this I am trying to remember one decent thing about it, and failing miserably. (Now I remember, Dennis Miller quipped, “Do you think Mikey Rourke even KNOWS he is in a movie?”) And Ironman 3 is the Marvel studio library recast as a Bond film. One wonders how long Robert Downney can hold these together on sheer charm alone? Better off watching Avengers again on cable, at least a Joss Whedon script never degenerates into predictability.

  3. Ganieda Moher

    Are you kidding me, Victoria? This is the MOST idiotic review I’ve ever read. “Iron Man 3” is so definitively the best of the Iron Man series, and you give it a review like this?? Oh, wait – maybe this is a put-on and you ARE kidding. No — seems to be serious. Yes, let’s just review the looks of the female lead and the costumes and wigs and iron suits – there. I think a lot of this movie just flew past your head. And – oh, look, it seems that 85% of the nation’s movie critics (so far) disagree with you, too! Screw your head on and maybe actually pay attention to the story next time. This so-called “review” is so ignorant I can’t even begin to address all the fails. Back to school for you.

  4. Horrendous, amateurish review. Puerile. By the way, you have a photo of an action figure above, as if it is from a scene from the film! Good Lord!

  5. The point of a movie review is NOT for the reviewer to show their readers how pointlessly catty and shallow they can be. In other words, the movie review is not supposed to be about the movie reviewer’s character flaws. Total drivel. Fat men can’t act? But apparently fat women can? John Favreau is not even fat by American standards, just slightly overweight – like the majority of the country. That was just ignorant nastiness. This reviewer should be fired. She has no clue what she’s doing. It’s probably not her fault, though. She’s probably just too fat to write a decent review. It’s hard for fat women to type. Their pudgy fingers hit the keys at all the wrong angles.

  6. I was going to bag your review but then I noticed you used a picture of a Hot Toys Action Figure, that’s an awesome action figure but I’m guessing you thought it was from the movie, awkward. Also is that image of Pepper even real? Looks photoshopped to me…

  7. Stupid and messy, I completely agree. It’s a bad movie with an outstanding Ben Kingsley.

  8. I have read a few reviews on Iron Man 3 so far but this one is by far the most superficial one – even the most stupidest one. Fat actors, I guess you never seen John Goodman act, Gwyneth Paltrow – she was actually pretty good in the movie, and no I am not one of those who mindlessly hates her. I think she is pretty cool actually. And the after credit scene was really good and worth waiting for.
    Not that I absolutely loved the move. It could have been a lot more interesting if it had less action and a more interesting character story. Downey Jr. aka Tony Stark reduced to being a faceless generic action hero in a Disney movie.

  9. awful review, probably written in crayons

  10. What is your issue with Gwyneth Paltrow? Seriously I don’t get why woman do this, attacking other successful woman, crap. It makes you look weak and pathetic.

  11. clockwork donut

    So, fat people can’t act? Does Burl Ives in “Cat on A Hot Tin Roof” ring a bell? How about Kathy Bates Oscar-winning performance in “Misery”? Perhaps John Goodman in “Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou?”. Hattie McDaniel in “Gone with the Wind”. Orson Welles, Marlon Brando, Shelley Winters, and on, and on, and on. You get the idea? You’re an idiot.

    I see you are also in the “I hate Gwyneth Paltrow” fan club. Good for you.

    How about, instead of letting your personal hang-ups and biases cloud your reviews, you actually take the time to watch, think about, and review the movie.

  12. Donald A. Ozello

    Iron Man 3 was an exciting and fun movie.

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