A’Esha Goins the Dating Guru: Ready to find that special someone?

aeshaEditor’s note: We are pleased to welcome A’Esha Goins known as the Dating Guru as our newest columnist. She is a relationship advocate focused on inspiring love in single people and creating environments that will introduce the possibility for relationship.

Specializing in strategies that will assist you in dating towards a relationship.

By A’Esha Goins the Dating Guru

I understand the desire to want to be treated as royalty. I believe my value warrants it. It wasn’t until I began dating a man of class and status that I realized, I wasn’t fit for royalty. My behavior and attitude would repel any knight and or prince charming from saving me.

Then I met King who loved me enough to prepare me for my future.  Although difficult to admit, below are six lessons I learned with his guidance.

1. Live in the moment

I had an idea of how relationship should work and how people should conduct themselves in them. It took a lot of self-talk to realize my belief system was messed up.

It is ok to have standards but, having a fantasy on how those standards should be reached limits the opportunity to enjoy the moments. I miss the element of surprise and surprises are the spice to life. I play the scenario out in my head then get disappointed because things don’t happen and people didn’t respond the way I wanted them to.

I let all chaotic thinking go. I am able to enjoy every comical and passionate moment. Sometimes it’s a touch on my leg that sparks the joy. Sometimes it’s an ill placed comment that makes me laugh. Either way, I am enjoying EVERY moment

2. Shut up

This was a BIGGIE!! As an independent woman I think it is ok to speak our minds. As an interdependent woman, I understand that it is not always necessary. I do not like everything that happens in life. I don’t think anyone does. Circumstances happen and I don’t say anything about it or do anything about it. However in relationship, I seem to take a different approach.  I knew that it was because I had no control over any of those other things in my life. My relationships were where I compensated.

3. Do not react

I am a passionate person and I had to learn discipline and control. Everything that happens in relationships is not always about feelings and emotions. Something’s are just life. I stopped having the conversations regarding how he was making me feel and started realizing how I was choosing to feel. That made it easier to see the big picture and not take everything personal.

4. Self Esteem

I am sure most people don’t have this issue, well I did. I am not saying my self-esteem wasn’t high. What I am saying is I learned to validate myself in the Lord and not man. I haven’t stopped enjoying compliments or flirting. What I don’t have is the cravings to receive them.

5. Go with the flow

Ah, I love this one. My king and I are total opposites of the spectrum and this is what makes us most effective. Understanding and respecting each other’s roles is important, but getting to that smooth transition is difficult. Someone has to decide to submit. I enjoy having my way however having peace in a relationship is far greater enjoyment. I do not compromise my character and I do not want him to change.  It is here where I learned, chill out and wait your turn.

6. Pray

I am a praying woman however, I have learned to meditate. NOTHING can change a man but God. I have learned to mediate for God’s will to be done in both of our lives. EVERYDAY I give him back to the Lord and I ask the Lord to give me what I need to love him today because he is His child. I focus on what that looks like and feels like. I get into the space where I am calm and can imagine opportunities to share love.  Each day my strength to love him is renewed. When things get rough, I don’t fight or argue, I go to God.

When I pray and meditate I am not hoping for change or the situation to get fixed. I am meditating for clarity and wisdom on how to move in and out of the relationship. I am praying for strength to be the woman I need to be and to have the peace that passes all understanding.

My only desire is to please God. If I keep my focus on loving and opportunities to share love I will please Him.

the book picHer newest projects include UrbanLasVegas.com radio show, a community blog talk radio station. She is the author of “Singles University – Official Rules to Being Single” and soon to be released book, “I am a Relationship Advocate.”

Visit her at aeshagoins.com,

#1 Dating Guru


Follow her on Twitter @1datingguru

Click on her book to purchase a copy.

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