The Dating Guru: Navigating Casual Sex and Keeping It Fun

aeshaBy A’Esha Goins, The Dating Guru

Informer Media Group

I know this is the 21st century and many people prefer casual relations over traditional relationships. As a single self-employed mother I understand that preference. Relationships take a lot of work and emotional energy. Sometimes I just want the relations without the emotional energy necessary to maintain the relationship. Sex is fun and a great stress reliever but not if I have to endure stress just to get it. UGH! Who has time for that?

The problem with casual relations is they tend to have a high turnover rate. This means, when one is done, I have to invest time that I don’t have to find the next casual relation. The turnover is worst as you get older. Finding a good sexual match is work and then, as a woman, there is that whole “I don’t want to sleep around” thing.

I’ve spent the last six years developing a sure fire system to limit the turnover rate. This system has been tried and approved by men across the nation. I should charge you to tell you but since you are loyal readers, I will share this one for free.

The rules to limiting your turnover ironically are the same rules Billy was given for Gizmo in the movie
“Gremlins” (watch the movie on TV or rent it, it is a great movie and you will appreciate the analogy). If you consistently apply these rules to your casual relations, I promise you will add months to the fun and avoid your partner turning into Spike while you sleep! LOL!

Rule No. 1: Keep away from bright light. Interpretation: do not allow them to spend the night at your home. Once a partner sleeps over, they think you have given them privileges. Privileges turn into relationships. Be clear with your partner before you start the deed. Remind them you have something important to do in the morning and they need to leave that night. DO NOT MAKE EXCEPTIONS TO THIS RULE!

In the case that they may be a little intoxicated, do not take them home! Spring for the cheap motel and leave them if you sober up before they do.

Rule No. 2:  Don’t get water on them.  Interpretation; they can bath at home. Give them the courtesy of taking a ho bath (wash the important parts). There is an old saying, “if I shower there I live there.” Yep, they NOW live there. Casual just went out the window

Rule No.3:  NEVER FEED THEM AFTER MIDNIGHT! Just like in the movie “Gremlins,” this is the most important rule. If you feed your partner, you are spending time with them. If you are having sex, spending money and time you are in a – wait for it – RELATIONSHIP.  Easy come easy go and no more casual for you. You just introduced emotional energy. Boundaries have been crossed and now no one is clear on what is going on.  Breaking bread is a sign of caring. I am not saying caring is bad but if you want to stay casual, caring is death.  Care about the fun and excitement other than that-don’t care.

If you can apply these three simple rules with consistency, you will have a lasting fun and exciting casual relation.

the book picA’Esha Goins is a columnist, life/relationship coach, author and talk radio host. She is debuting her new radio show, The No Good Men Show. on KLAV 1230 AM. Goins is the author of “Official Rules to Being Single” and will soon release her second book, “I am a Relationship Advocate.” Goins is raising an adopted son and is an advocate for foster care. She also created Singles University, a social group for singles.

Visit her at Dating

Follow her on Twitter @1datingguru

Click on her book to purchase a copy.

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